Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girls should come with a carfax report
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
