You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
