this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
