Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
