I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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