Already got asked if we're dating
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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