I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
