The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
