i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
