Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
