I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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