Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
