I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
