What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
