is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
