i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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