It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
