i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
