Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
