Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found your dick twin last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize