how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did I show you my penis last night?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize