We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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