fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize