take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
