Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
