if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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