don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
