to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
