dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
