Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
