tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
