Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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