he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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