we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
