I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
