alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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