I feel like abortions should bother me more
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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