were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
