my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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