he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize