Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
