I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
