I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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