i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize