I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
