It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize