Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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