I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
