Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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