I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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