Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
