she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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