***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
