guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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