I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
