Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize