You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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