awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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