things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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