just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
