Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
