you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize