I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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