I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize