Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
