She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
