Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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